I met this guy on ICQ this June. He is an european but lives in China. we had wonderful time chatting online and exchanged pics. and then we made phone calls. and then most naturally we said those three words to each other. he was so sweet that he would give me a morning kiss online each day. even if he was on the run, he’d seize chances to greet me online.

  due to some reasons, we haven’t met each other in real. he always says he is not able to finance the trip to visit me. (we are in different cities). he told me he is about to work for a newly-established company. but before that, he has to take extreme care of his money. i know he is not lying because we make calls and msg each other everyday and i know almost everything about his whereabouts and what he is doing. he sent me the biz plan of that company and even asked me to make some changes to the powerpoint sheets he has made for his future boss. (his english is not that good).

  one thing i can’t understand. he’s got this strange mobile phone plan that will charge him for long-distance incoming calls but not for local incoming calls. because he understand little chinese, he thought all the incoming calls would be free. At that time he’d like to answer my calls and talk with me for a long time. but then two months ago he knew about the difference and i can now only call his homeline. (he seldom calls me because he says he has to budget).

  it was ok at the beginning because he almost always stayed at home. i’d give him wake-up calls every morning and he’d be happy to answer the calls even though he was not fully awake. recently however, he suddenly becomes busy and is on the run almost everyday. during the night when he is not busy, he will go out to meet his friends and have some drinks in the bar. when he returns home, it’s often 3 or 4 in the morning.

  So we can only msg each other. He says he loves me and misses me all the time. But sometimes i miss him so much that i can’t help but call his mobile, sometimes he will answer the phone but in most cases, he will just ignore me and then send me back a msg explaining why he can’t answer.

  and i got angry sometimes. if he misses me as he claims, why doesn’t he want to hear my voice? he has money to spend on drinks, why is he so thrift with a few yuan to receive phone calls? and he will never give me calls unless emergency happens.

  But he is not that bad always. he will text me before he goes out so that i can call him before he leaves. if he stays too late outside, he will msg me goodnight and leave a sweet msg for me to read in the morning. that strange mobile of his can’t make or receive calls outside his city. so if he is on biz trip, he will always let me know beforehand and text me once he is home again.

  So I am really puzzled. Does he really love me or not? Once he was in a bar with a female friend. I made fun of him in the msgs and pretended to be jealous. He took it seriously and wrote back telling me not to worry because it is me he loves and nothing would happen between him and other girls. yet it seems he is not eager to come to see me and he care little if he doesn’t hear from me. We used to chat online for hours and he used to write me emails everyday, but now he becomes so busy that he seldom goes online and he is so lazy for me he won’t write a sentence for days.

  He told me things will be better when he starts working and does not have to take too much care of his money. And then he will always be available for me. But I doubt that. Have I already spoiled him? Does he think I am too easy to handle---always giving him calls and telling him how much I miss him? and I don’t want to love him more than he loves me.

  he once said he had to meet me in real to really fall in love with me. but that was a long time ago before we began to make phone calls. but isn’t it still a good idea to take one step back? but can i take that step? i love him so much that i’d do nothing during some lonely nights but lying on my bed missing him, while he is in some bar carousing with his friends. i don’t want to be driven crazy by him. What should I do?